Monthly Archives:December 2016

Ever wonder how homeless people do throughout the day?

Documentary: The Daily Life of a Bum

 

Ever wonder how homeless people do throughout the day? How do they buy food when they’re in the train station? Here’s a documentary on a typical day in the life of a bum…

 

7:00 AM         Wake up trashed on the train.

7:30 AM         Get settled in and get ready to beg for money.

7:45 AM         Set goals for the day. Today’s goal: five bucks and a pair of shoes.

8:00 AM         First bunch of people get in the train. It’s time to get to work and beg for money. Select one of the usual sob speeches: “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m a homeless person…penny, nickel, dime…anything will do.”

9:00 AM         Earn five cents.

9:15 AM         Go back to sleep.

10:00 AM       Wake up and feel like shit.

10:30 AM       Time to get to work. Use second speech. “Ladies and gentlemen, I am a homeless person, I have five kids and a pregnant wife…”

11:00 AM       Earn one dollar. Awesome, almost there.

12:00 PM        Hunger strikes. Get off train and find the next train. Eat leftover food on the subway. A French fry with fleas on it? Beggars aren’t choosers.

1:00 PM          Lunch time. Lick slime off train window.

3:00 PM          Fight with another bum for rights to the train and the mossy penny on the floor.

5:00 PM          Rush hour. Perfect time to get to work. Put on sunglasses, pretend to be blind, and sing a song.

6:00 PM          After an hour of begging, earned four bucks. Awesome.

6:10 PM          With enough money, get off at nearest station and go to the nearest deli to buy food. Get cussed out by Muslims.

6:30 PM          Sit on street and beg for money to get back on the train. Goal: 3 bucks.

Put up cardboard sign with a message like: “Lending a dime ain’t a crime.”

7:00 PM          Curse out person who dropped in a twenty dollar bill into the cup, then took it back and put in a five.

9:00 PM          Finally got enough money for a ride and a bottle of liquor. Go back to the train station in a drunken stupor.

10:00 PM        Another bumfight.

11:00 PM        Get settled in for the night and begin to fall asleep.

11:15 PM        Bitch and moan about the life he could’ve had and if it would be a difference if he stayed in school.

11:30 PM        Fall asleep. Hope for more money tomorrow.

Centers for Disease Control Warning – Must Read Now!!

Centers for Disease Control Warning – Must Read Now!!

The Centers for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever – DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

 

Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes – Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

 

You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.